Cheney's Daisy Chain

Early on the first term of the presidency, the vice president invited a group of guys from the energy industry to meet with him. He has said it is no body’s business who and what and why they were. How many of those guys’ companies are now negotiating oil leases in Iraq? Regardless of your opinion, do these guys think it is necessary for the U.S. Army to stay there to insure the viability of the Iraq oil business? Can you look into everyday news and see the kind of pressures the President of the United States and certain members of Congress, including Hillary, are putting on Iraq to cut a deal with our oil interests?

There was also oil in the countries bordering on Afghanistan. Afghanistan is where the United States had such initial military success. Why did the United States so quickly abandon Afghanistan for Iraq? Conversely: If the United States had grabbed easy oil in Afghanistan, would they have bothered with Iraq?

Relative to Iraq, Afghanistan was: farther away, there were no easy pipelines, no nearby markets, and Russia was maybe too close and too interested.

Of course, by abandoning Afghanistan and running off to Iraq, the White House clearly told Congress and the American people what its priorities were for 9/11, for the Taliban, for Al-Qaida, and for stimulating the economy, honoring campaign pledges, and their definition of patriotism.

Here is a thought: Imagine how impressed the Russians were with the initial success of the U.S. in Afghanistan, driving the Taliban out. Imagine how baffled and unimpressed the Russians were with the departure of the Americans from Afghanistan to Iraq. As U.S. choppers fall in Iraq and as the Taliban regains control of parts of Afghanistan, imagine the Russians’ rueful smiles -- given their defeat in Afghanistan not that long ago.

The Big C: Welcome, welcome! It is good to see all of you guys again. Bet you never thought the next time would be in the White House!

How is it going?

Much better than expected. With the experience Dick and I share, our many contacts, we know who to put where. In breadth and depth, our administration will be the fastest up and running ever.

With Congress in our pocket, we are planning -- like a military campaign -- broadly, across all issues and agencies -- a rollback -- many defeats -- of the Democratic Party -- a rollback to the 1800’s. You guys will all be getting tax breaks, and refunds, and industry incentives, and rebates -- your due. If you want we will send you public servants to be your chauffeurs. After all we have a couple of trillion dollars to get rid of.

Do you think they will catch on?

Those pansy asses? Not a chance. We will be going in so many different directions -- all at once -- they won’t know what hit them -- they won’t be able to catch their breath. Hell, they haven’t even figured out our language -- the old master-slave stik. Domination. My daughter tells me Democrats are all a bunch of "bitches".

The election was closer than expected.

That was good R&D investment money. If we hadn’t started our campaign against global warming and Al Gore 20 years ago we might have lost. I thought you guys should have simply photographed him with a whore in his bed, doctored some photographs, put some drugs in his car -- you know. But I think you were right and I was wrong. Tarring him and global warming the same as Tobacco did the doctors, that was simple, effective and brilliant. Just create doubt: “...Al Gore is not as smart as he thinks he is... you know he takes credit for other people’s ideas ... a Senator's son. ...raised in a hotel room. ...you know he says he invented the Internet. ...a nerd.” and so on. It got to a place were newspaper reporters couldn’t recognize the real Al Gore even after they had just sat down and interviewed him.

Now, gentlemen, the reason you are here: The President and I appreciate how you supported the campaign. We owe you. Let’s talk about our priorities and your priorities and profits for the next 10 years...