I'm Confused. Can you help me?

G.B., can you help me? I am confused.

Sure, compadre.

You invaded Iraq because they had weapons of mass destruction?

Yes.

Did they have weapons of mass destruction?

Yes.

Even though several of our sources and many international sources said no.

Yes. What do they know?

You said Iraq’s Saddam Hussein was linked with Al-Qaida and therefore indirectly involved with 9/11?

Yes.

Even though several of our sources and many international sources said no?

Yes.

You said the war was over in Afghanistan and that we had won in Iraq?

Yes.

Even though the war effort has increased and the dying goes on?

Yes.

When there was no WPD and no link to Al-Qaida, you said we were in Iraq to bring democracy?

Yes.

Then when the dying continued year after year, you said we should stay because we had to honor those who had already died?

Yes. But don’t forget, the Al-Qaida are in Iraq.

Even though they were not there before?

Yes.

Let me see. Although Iraq was not part of the War on Terror, we decided to invade because ... weapons of mass destruction? no... Al-Qaida.... no... We are creating democracy and all the Muslim countries will want democracy? And democratic Muslim countries will not engage in terror? This is the war on Terror?

Yes.

Democracy created by an outside army knocking on civilian doors at night? Democracy through the barrel of a gun?

Yes.

But , as the years have gone by, and the Muslim countries see the violence, the terror, in Iraq -- our democratic violence and terror -- won’t this chase them back to their own and other forms of government?

No.

How long will the war go on?

A long time.

As the years pass I have noticed that it has become the Iraqi’s fault for not more effectively and quickly defending themselves and our forces against the attacks of Shiite, Sunni and Al-Qaida dissidents or insurgents?

Yes. We give them the opportunity and they need to make the most of it.

Are they dissidents, insurgents or patriots?

It doesn‘t matter.

Do you think they need a stronger prime minister?

Maybe. They need to know we are thinking about it.

I have noticed that their oil infrastructure is resisting repair and production. I have noticed that they have refused to accept some of the big and beautiful things we have built for them. Do you think this is because they think we invaded to get their oil and if they accepted the expensive things we have done for them that would mean they accepted the costs and maintenance -- the long term payment of big debts to us?

This is Mr. Cheney’s turf. Of course we expect them to be grateful for the many things we have done for them. We expect them to be a responsible, democratic nation.

My brain aches. Do you think that another person might see all of the above differently?

Of course. (smiling) Others don’t understand. Congress is just a bunch of pussies. They will do what I say. A few may question, but it does not matter. I am the boss. Father knows best. It is in the genes. Some people give orders and some people follow orders. It is as simple as that. I say what the facts are. The facts are what I say. I answer to no one. I am the Big Fact-tor. Get it? The big dick. The dic-tay-tor. Yeah!