Saturday, August 25, 2007

Cheney's Daisy Chain

Early on the first term of the presidency, the vice president invited a group of guys from the energy industry to meet with him. He has said it is no body’s business who and what and why they were. How many of those guys’ companies are now negotiating oil leases in Iraq? Regardless of your opinion, do these guys think it is necessary for the U.S. Army to stay there to insure the viability of the Iraq oil business? Can you look into everyday news and see the kind of pressures the President of the United States and certain members of Congress, including Hillary, are putting on Iraq to cut a deal with our oil interests?

There was also oil in the countries bordering on Afghanistan. Afghanistan is where the United States had such initial military success. Why did the United States so quickly abandon Afghanistan for Iraq? Conversely: If the United States had grabbed easy oil in Afghanistan, would they have bothered with Iraq?

Relative to Iraq, Afghanistan was: farther away, there were no easy pipelines, no nearby markets, and Russia was maybe too close and too interested.

Of course, by abandoning Afghanistan and running off to Iraq, the White House clearly told Congress and the American people what its priorities were for 9/11, for the Taliban, for Al-Qaida, and for stimulating the economy, honoring campaign pledges, and their definition of patriotism.

Here is a thought: Imagine how impressed the Russians were with the initial success of the U.S. in Afghanistan, driving the Taliban out. Imagine how baffled and unimpressed the Russians were with the departure of the Americans from Afghanistan to Iraq. As U.S. choppers fall in Iraq and as the Taliban regains control of parts of Afghanistan, imagine the Russians’ rueful smiles -- given their defeat in Afghanistan not that long ago.

The Big C: Welcome, welcome! It is good to see all of you guys again. Bet you never thought the next time would be in the White House!

How is it going?

Much better than expected. With the experience Dick and I share, our many contacts, we know who to put where. In breadth and depth, our administration will be the fastest up and running ever.

With Congress in our pocket, we are planning -- like a military campaign -- broadly, across all issues and agencies -- a rollback -- many defeats -- of the Democratic Party -- a rollback to the 1800’s. You guys will all be getting tax breaks, and refunds, and industry incentives, and rebates -- your due. If you want we will send you public servants to be your chauffeurs. After all we have a couple of trillion dollars to get rid of.

Do you think they will catch on?

Those pansy asses? Not a chance. We will be going in so many different directions -- all at once -- they won’t know what hit them -- they won’t be able to catch their breath. Hell, they haven’t even figured out our language -- the old master-slave stik. Domination. My daughter tells me Democrats are all a bunch of "bitches".

The election was closer than expected.

That was good R&D investment money. If we hadn’t started our campaign against global warming and Al Gore 20 years ago we might have lost. I thought you guys should have simply photographed him with a whore in his bed, doctored some photographs, put some drugs in his car -- you know. But I think you were right and I was wrong. Tarring him and global warming the same as Tobacco did the doctors, that was simple, effective and brilliant. Just create doubt: “...Al Gore is not as smart as he thinks he is... you know he takes credit for other people’s ideas ... a Senator's son. ...raised in a hotel room. ...you know he says he invented the Internet. ...a nerd.” and so on. It got to a place were newspaper reporters couldn’t recognize the real Al Gore even after they had just sat down and interviewed him.

Now, gentlemen, the reason you are here: The President and I appreciate how you supported the campaign. We owe you. Let’s talk about our priorities and your priorities and profits for the next 10 years...

I'm Confused. Can you help me?

G.B., can you help me? I am confused.

Sure, compadre.

You invaded Iraq because they had weapons of mass destruction?

Yes.

Did they have weapons of mass destruction?

Yes.

Even though several of our sources and many international sources said no.

Yes. What do they know?

You said Iraq’s Saddam Hussein was linked with Al-Qaida and therefore indirectly involved with 9/11?

Yes.

Even though several of our sources and many international sources said no?

Yes.

You said the war was over in Afghanistan and that we had won in Iraq?

Yes.

Even though the war effort has increased and the dying goes on?

Yes.

When there was no WPD and no link to Al-Qaida, you said we were in Iraq to bring democracy?

Yes.

Then when the dying continued year after year, you said we should stay because we had to honor those who had already died?

Yes. But don’t forget, the Al-Qaida are in Iraq.

Even though they were not there before?

Yes.

Let me see. Although Iraq was not part of the War on Terror, we decided to invade because ... weapons of mass destruction? no... Al-Qaida.... no... We are creating democracy and all the Muslim countries will want democracy? And democratic Muslim countries will not engage in terror? This is the war on Terror?

Yes.

Democracy created by an outside army knocking on civilian doors at night? Democracy through the barrel of a gun?

Yes.

But , as the years have gone by, and the Muslim countries see the violence, the terror, in Iraq -- our democratic violence and terror -- won’t this chase them back to their own and other forms of government?

No.

How long will the war go on?

A long time.

As the years pass I have noticed that it has become the Iraqi’s fault for not more effectively and quickly defending themselves and our forces against the attacks of Shiite, Sunni and Al-Qaida dissidents or insurgents?

Yes. We give them the opportunity and they need to make the most of it.

Are they dissidents, insurgents or patriots?

It doesn‘t matter.

Do you think they need a stronger prime minister?

Maybe. They need to know we are thinking about it.

I have noticed that their oil infrastructure is resisting repair and production. I have noticed that they have refused to accept some of the big and beautiful things we have built for them. Do you think this is because they think we invaded to get their oil and if they accepted the expensive things we have done for them that would mean they accepted the costs and maintenance -- the long term payment of big debts to us?

This is Mr. Cheney’s turf. Of course we expect them to be grateful for the many things we have done for them. We expect them to be a responsible, democratic nation.

My brain aches. Do you think that another person might see all of the above differently?

Of course. (smiling) Others don’t understand. Congress is just a bunch of pussies. They will do what I say. A few may question, but it does not matter. I am the boss. Father knows best. It is in the genes. Some people give orders and some people follow orders. It is as simple as that. I say what the facts are. The facts are what I say. I answer to no one. I am the Big Fact-tor. Get it? The big dick. The dic-tay-tor. Yeah!

Friday, August 10, 2007

The Saga of Capt. Bush and the Battle of Box Canyon

M. Anderson RA19611953


July 1870 - somewhere in southwestern United States

The Generals’ Review Committee is now in session. The issue before us is the matter of Captain Bush and the Battle of Box Canyon. Captain Bush is the commander of Fort Custer. Why was this meeting called?

“The Al Ki-da tortured and killed every last member of the Tower Ranch. We authorized a declaration of war on the Al Ki-da. We authorized Captain Bush’s attack on Box Canyon. The Battle of Box Canyon has now been waging for five years.
A battle going on for five years! Wait a minute! The Tower Ranch is nowhere near Box Canyon.

Why did we do that?

“He reported that the Al Ki-da near the Tower Ranch were defeated and that we now needed to take care of these Al Ki-da who were in cahoots with the other tribes in the Box Canyon area and that they had Gatling guns and cannon and were going to destroy all of the railroads and towns west of the Mississippi. We diverted a major part of our western forces to Box Canyon to stop them.

Did we stop them?

“Well... No.
Were the Al Ki-da there?

“No.

What about the Gatling guns and cannon?
“Never found.

What about the Al Ki-da that attacked the Tower Ranch?

“They have grown in strength and now appear stronger than ever.
Then, why, in the good Lord’s name, are we still in Box Canyon? Why didn’t we order a withdrawal from Box Canyon when it was found that the Al Ki-da were not there and that there were no Gatling guns or cannon?

“Captain Bush, Lieutenant Cheney and their friends argued that since we were there we ought to make Christians out of these barbarian Indians. (From the 5th century through the 19th century, Christianity instead of Democracy was a common argument for invasion and annihilation of Indians.)

We approved that?
“Yes.

Well, shouldn’t they all be dead or all be Christians by now?

“No. Captain Bush and Lieutenant Cheney have argued that it will take more troops and more time.

When he first went into Box Canyon, didn’t he argue that no more troops were needed?

“Yes, but now he wants more troops.

Which: To kill them all or to make them all Christians?

“One or the other: Victory has never been defined.

Well, why aren’t they all dead? It has been five years! Isn’t Captain Bush leading his troops at Box Canyon?

“No. He is back at the fort. He was trained to be a cavalry officer (sort of like a 20th century air force pilot). Too young for the Civil War. He has had no combat experience. (In the 20th century he would be called a “ninety day wonder.”) His troops are mostly foot soldiers. Captain Bush is a member of the rich, has gone to the schools of the privileged and believes therefore he is privileged, entitled to rule. He is the son of General Bush, retired. He has no sense of accountability. He is petulant. He is stubborn. He says God speaks to him. He is very well connected and can bring a lot of heat to bear on Congress.

Is this who Congress is calling King George?

“Yes.

Then, is his first lieutenant there in Box Canyon?

“No, Lieutenant Cheney is also back at the fort. He has even less combat experience than Captain Bush. He was an aide to General Nixon, then he was a politician, and then he made his living as an Indian trader. Now, primarily, he is dealing with logistics. Because the fort is so far away a lot of local purchases -- both commodities and services -- are being made there. Many of the contracts are no-bid. Money has disappeared. Weapons have disappeared. We have asked about it. Bush and Cheney say it is none of our business, it is unpatriotic to ask. For example, the fort is being protected by the Blackeye Private Security Agency. These people are getting rich, are not accountable to anyone and are in constant contact with Congress. The Lieutenant is old, sick and sadistic. So is his team. He scares people. He also is very well connected and can bring a lot of heat to bear on Congress.

Was that the General Nixon: The one who resigned before he was fired?

“Yes.

Then, are there any officers at Box Canyon?

“Not really. At the beginning his officers questioned his judgment. They said there were not enough troops and incomplete planning. Others said there was no threat. He had them sent away. Their replacements had to be in agreement with him. They couldn’t win the battle. Now those replacements have been replaced.

The mission has not exactly been made clear. If the Al Ki-da are not there and if we haven’t killed all of the Indians, then some of the remaining must be the ones we are making into Christians?

“Not exactly. When Captain Bush attacked there weren’t any Al Ki-da. Now, the Al Ki-da and other surrounding tribes have shown up. Our scouts have reported that the Al Ki-da fully understand what box canyons are. They could not believe any military force -- much less the vaunted United States -- would deliberately make themselves surrounded. If we could have made it happen, if we had had the troops and the firepower, then it truly might have been an audacious, maybe even brilliant tactic. But without the troops and firepower, they (as did the world) realized we were a paper tiger, a pop gun, full of hot air. A waste of men and equipment and money. He announced victory and then the Americans did not leave. The Al Ki-da, and others, decided to join the ‘fun.’ So the U.S. Army is trapped in a box canyon so the United States is trapped in a box canyon.

And the other Indians? Christians?

“When Captain Bush and Lieutenant Cheney argued their attack in the first place they said we would quickly and easily defeat the barbarian Chief Hus-say. They said that the Indians had been oppressed and that we would be received as saviors. The Indians would reimburse us for our costs and we could go home. That did not happen. The Indians split into three major tribes and many smaller ones. We were not welcomed. The tribes started fighting each other and many started fighting us. And over time, other tribes have arrived and are helping their friends. They are not helping us. Most are not Christian.

Are there any Christians?

“Some Indians were Christians before we arrived. Most of these have left the Canyon.
The other Indians -- we are not sure. It is kind of like the United States: The Box Canyon Parliament we set up appears to be controlled by special interests. In their government the politicians are doing favors for their own tribes. Other tribes are left out. They fight each other. We have civil wars. They have civil wars. No one is looking out for the common man, the welfare of the whole country. But most of them do not like us being there. We are seen as invaders. And that’s a fact: We are there. We are invaders. They refer to us as “crusaders.” It was voiced by Captain Bush. The word “crusade” is offensive to the Indians.

Someone could write a book but no one would believe it. Gentlemen, we have a basic problem here. Why would we ever have given approval for anyone to make an attack into a box canyon? A box canyon! Wasn’t anybody looking at a map! Even Captain Bush’s own father, General Bush (ret.), had the option of entering that very same Box Canyon in pursuit of renegades and he told everyone if he did it there would be a helluva mess. He felt he had punished them enough and let them go. He knew. We knew. We approved. Were we assuming that Captain Bush read his father’s book and was in agreement with his father? Why?

“We were told and chose to believe that the attack would be without opposition, over quickly, at little cost, we would make friends -- throughout the west -- and our costs would be offset by a little gold from Oily Creek. We could go home. None of these things have been borne out. Just the opposite.

Did we know there was gold in Oily Creek?

“Yes.

Have we gotten any gold?

“No. Both friendly forces (if we have any) and enemy forces have made that darn near impossible.

Would we leave if they would sign their gold over to us?

“Probably.

What, in fact, has been the result of our attack?

“We are still surrounded. We have made many enemies. We are making more enemies. Many of them are smart. We are being out-thought. (Pictures of exploding humvees are on the Internet worldwide nightly.) Our remaining close friends are embarrassed. The wounded are piling up at Fort Custer. They do not have adequate medical attention. We can see no end to the loss of soldiers and dollars. Civilians (meaning some our corporations) are doing very well and still might get a little gold from Oily Creek. Some of our corporations and some of our rich people are making money hand over fist. The word is out internationally: We are torturing, creating a civil war, and literally burning the treasure of the United States upon the bodies of our dead soldiers. Reporters from London, New York, Moscow, Istanbul, Paris and Bombay are now at the fort.
The battle in Box Canyon is not the war. Never was. What isn’t working is the battle: Our soldiers are being wounded and killed. Five years. No end in sight. Our Nation is young and has many pressing needs, but with a Republican Congress and a war, our money is running down a dozen different rat holes. What is working is the war: Bush and Cheney are taking very good care of their rich friends -- here and abroad -- at the expense of the Nation. Are they that dumb or are we that dumb? Are they really that stupid in the management of a war? Or have they exploited every opportunity to enrich their rich friends? Whichever way, the Nation is left holding the bag.

“Does Congress know? Some do. They are scurrying around like rats on a sinking ship. They would rather spend a million dollars on bullets than a million dollars on reparations. Good lawyers that they are, they do not want to imply that the United States made an error and has some liability in the deaths of thousands of people and the destruction of billions of dollars of property.

“Captain Bush wants more troops.

Is he serious?

“As serious as he has always been.

What do you think he is up to?

“He has always had public relations people who advise him. I think he is planning his retreat. And from the very beginning, even before Box Canyon, he retained legal advice. He has legal opinions on issues that have yet to be raised. He knows he has violated the law variously and repeatedly. To protext himself, he has conscientiously had built a fortress of law. I believe he knows he cannot win the battle. In a year or so his enlistment will run out and I think he will be gone. He has made fortunes for so many people they will take care of him and his family for the rest of their lives. If he can just keep the battle going until then the responsibility and the blame will fall on whoever replaces him. (War crime tribunals will have to wait for the 20th century.) (But everyone knew what impeachment was in 1870.)

I see: Poisoning the well.

“Yes. Normally we would have members of the Officer Corps volunteering for this duty. There are no volunteers. The word is out.

Doesn’t he realize he is corrupting the army, the nation, the bankers, business, families, children...

“I don’t think so. I think he believes all of these are already corrupt. The wimpyness of the Democrats and the in-your-face corruption of the Repuplicans surely suggests he is right.
Gentlemen, we approved. Whatever we do we will be blamed. We can stand with those who already have lost their jobs and reputations because they tried to stop this man. We can try and stop him. We might be destroyed. Or, we can let him get away with it: See more die, more destroyed, more corrupted, the loss of public wealth, loss of international reputation, blood, the slide ... Either way, it is something we let happen. We bear some responsibility.

“What about the Indians?

God forgive us, among the many, many sins we have committed against Indians, here is the most recent example. They never asked for this. We clearly, with foresight, intent and planning, are the invader, the aggressor. Maybe we need to ask for their forgiveness and to offer restitution. In the long run that would be less expensive and offer more security than continuing this sad farce.

“What about the Al Ki-da?

We seem to have forgotten that that is the war and Box Canyon is not. We certainly need smarter men than Bush and Cheney to fight them. Our purpose is not to make friends rich or Christians happy or even both. Our purpose is the security of our nation. We need those plans. We need those tools. And we need those friends. Across the globe, we need real friends.

“What do we tell the soldiers who are now disabled, mangled?

Tell them the truth. Tell them they fought a good fight. Tell them our strategy was horribly flawed. Tell them the war is not over. There will be many more battles. The battles won’t be in Box Canyon. Our nation’s honor demands that we take responsibility. We will do better. Tell them we will never forget the lessons of Box Canyon, and we will never forget them and the sacrifices they have made.

“What do we tell the parents who lost their children in Box Canyon?

Tell them the truth. Tell them their children where good soldiers who fought a good fight. Apologize because it was the wrong battle, at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong enemy, with the wrong army, with the wrong equipment, with the wrong leadership, that created more enemies than it eliminated. We need to wake up, leave this nightmare, get back to the real battle and stop making more enemies. We will investigate every bullet and every bulletin, every decision, every responsible person, under every rock, and we will hold them and us all accountable. If we do not clearly discover why and how so many stupid errors were made, then these soldiers will have died in vain. We must learn from our mistakes. To survive, we must. We must to honor these children and their children. Their sacrifices must not be in vain.

“What about Bush and Cheney?

Have them post to Washington immediately. Before they get on the stage coach, have them spend five minutes with Army Scout John Wayne. He knows what a box canyon is. Have him draw a map. Have him tell them what a box canyon is. Order the withdrawal from Box Canyon immediately. Initiate a full investigation into Bush’s behavior. Report your progress at our next regularly scheduled meeting.

Gentlemen, a house cleaning stirs up dust and will initially make some people choke, maybe even puke, but it is better to have our children live in a clean house than a pig’s sty.

Gentlemen, I hope that none of us are casualties between now and the next meeting. This meeting is now adjourned.